How did we get here?
Just a year ago we used to play outside on weekends,
our feelings of euphoria stemming from a won street hockey match.
Our guilty pleasures were soda and candy,
and staying up past 11PM was unheard of.
But now,
surrounded by evil influences,
unable to trust,
and wanting to fit in.
We drink, smoke, and act sexual.
But for what?
Just to look cool.
Your future self is looking back at this with shame and regret.
All the permanent damages;
reminders of mistakes made.
Because you let these guilty pleasures take over.
You gave them full control over the reigns that lead your life,
and you descended into an emotional maelstrom.
The love you once saw in shades of red turned to thoughts of lust and wine.
Blue used to make you remember clear skies,
but now it makes you think of a bottle of Absolut and a night you barely remember.
The bright and beautiful yellow of smiley faces warped into the grotesque brown of your puke,
in which you release all the food you ate before intoxicating yourself.
This poem is one I wrote in class, when prompted to write about lost innocence. To me this poem represents the speed and intensity of our change to impurity. Many people that I know were, not even a year ago, some of the purest and most innocent children I knew. They never did anything that could lead to them getting in trouble, and now, in this short period of time, they’ve developed into people who smoke, drink, and participate in sexual acts, and its bewildering. being a witness of the change and always trying to help my friends out, it was difficult and stressful. I know all the negative effects of what they’re doing due to having seen it in my life before, and being unable to put them back on the right track hurts because I want to help them. This poem is a kind of rant and form of venting for me to express my struggle. I hate to see my friends in negative situations and not be able to help them, and this is my method of coping with that. I miss the times when people would still spend time outside and play stupid playground games, because there was no worries then. As we grow up, we experience more difficulties, and I think this leads to some of the things I talked about in my poem. There’s clearly a larger issue that needs to be addressed, because the amount of kids doing illegal things is way too high to just be because of peer pressure.
Dear Jatinpal,
Woah! What a poem with a voice. I am really happy that you wrote this poem and I hope that everyone has the chance to read it. This is a very critical topic you decided to write about and of one that is most common in the lives of many teenagers nowadays. I am really proud that you were able to speak out about this topic, spreading the awareness. The idea of loss of innocence was clearly portrayed in your poem, especially when you comparing the childhood games and activities with the stuff teenagers are partaking in now, just to be considered “cool”.
Overall, I did not notice many errors, other than some grammar mistakes. You forgot to capitalize some letters in your sentences. Also, I wish that maybe you make your poem a bit longer and really describe how you felt as a child and how you feel nowadays.
Other than that, this poem was amazing!! Great Work!!!
Love,
Hiba 🙂
Dear Jatinpal,
This is perhaps one of the best pieces I’ve read from you this semester. In fact, from the moment you decided to share it with the class, I was impressed.
I found your exploration of the loss of innocence to be poignant; that is, as you so accurately described, the descent into corruption is unpleasant and seemingly unstoppable. It’s almost as if, from the moment we receive our first taste of recklessness, we cannot stop ourselves from being the ever more reckless in the future. There is something so seductive about the darkness–about the prospect of living fast and dying young. This, like you said, often stems from the desire to be “cool”– the suave nonchalance that often tempts and corrupts us.
And, such as the consequences of corruption hit us like a punch, so does your writing. But, in this case, this a good thing because this is not an easy topic to stomach, therefore, it makes sense that you executed it in such a way that it is hard to read (emotionally, that is.)
Personally, I felt as though the best “punch” happened with the lines “We drink, smoke, and f***/But for what?”
And I LOVED the images of colour–colour, which is often associated with the vibrancy of childhood, and, therefore, innocence–you incorporated into this piece and the ways in which you tied it back to corruption. Brilliantly ironic! The red of the wine and the colour that is conventionally used to represent lust, the blue label on the vodka bottle, the brown vomit–the consequences of drinking, of corruption. All of it was wonderfully executed.
One thing I would offer in terms of improvement relates to the ending of your poem, which currently feels unfinished. Maybe go into greater depth in regards to other instances of corruption people our age might experience? Or incorporate a circle effect and mirror the introduction of the poem? I just wanted more–a finalized ending that would give me a better sense of closure. Maybe even an explication of the poem itself would have better tied your ideas together at the end.
Other than that though–wow, my dude. EXCELLENT job!
–Jade